This Colombian Life

Well, it's been a quiet couple of days in Lago Woebegon.  Not a lot to report.  We continue to have a lot of fun getting to know our Colombian angel.  We bid adios to the family that had been living in Betty's Place with us - they flew back to Virginia this morning.  It's funny how quickly people can become such an integral part of your life.  However, we have been getting to know a new family from Texas.  They moved in a few days ago, and are in the process of adopting a 16 year-old.  She is really special, and loves Francisco.  Francisco seems to be taking a shining to her as well.

It's really neat to get to know people from all over the world and hear their adoption stories.  The key theme running through every story is this: not only are we adopting Francisco, but we are adopting Colombia as well.  Colombia will always be our son's first home, and consequently our home as well.  Even though we are late to the game, we are Colombian.

There's a little something I've wanted to get off of my chest, and it's taken me a few months to figure out how.  Not really sure if I still do, but here it goes:  I don't want people to feel like we are doing Francisco a favor.

A year or so ago, a co-worker mentioned how wonderful it is that we are choosing to adopt, giving a home to an orphan.  This same theme has been repeated by many people.  It's a great sentiment, and I appreciate the words.  But it is definitely not why we are adopting.

We heard this theme from adoption professionals prior to pursuing adoption as the means to form our family.  We were cautioned to take it too seriously.  A child who hears what a great thing it was that their parents adopted them feels like they always have something to owe to their parents.  They feel like the can never repay them, and can never live up to their adoption.  They may feel that if they aren't perfect, their parents may send them back to their birth country, away from those they love.  Or they may resent their parents for acting like saviors by taking them away from their original home.

Francisco could have been adopted by anyone. He's a healthy, fun little guy, and would have been a wonderful addition to any home.  We are the lucky ones.  We are the ones who've been blessed by his presence in our lives.

Additionally, Colombia isn't that bad.  It has its problems with crime and government, but what country doesn't?  The people here are wonderful.  Very loving and caring.

We aren't taking him out of Colombia when we leave.  Rather, we are bringing part of Colombia to the US.  We will raise and provide for his security when he is young, but he - like any other child - is not our property.  He will get to decide when he is older how he wants to be involved with both his birth country and his adoptive country.  Indeed, he will continue to have citizenship in Colombia.  Our job will be to give him enough access to both cultures so he can find his place in this world. It won't be an easy job for him, but we will be there helping hold his hand if he stumbles along the way.

So if you tell me it is a wonderful that I've done for him, I may not correct you.  I will thank you, and tell you we believe he has done more for us than we for him.  He helped complete our family.  But know that adoption is not a one-time event; this will be a defining moment in Francisco's life, and every situation that he faces will be seen through the adoption lens.  Like I said, it won't be easy for him to discover who he is, but we hope to offer him enough opportunity to do so, through books, food, culture camps, and eventually, return trips to Colombia.

This blogpost brought to you by Google

As I write to you on the blogging website sponsored by Google, I have to say, I am really glad that Google brings many great Google products into our home, both in Minnesota and abroad!

A few days ago, we spoke over the internets to a couple from Minnesota who are also staying in Bogota.  They are in the process of adopting a beautiful 3 year-old girl with special needs.  When the Gerri, the mother, called us, she gave us a Google-phone number.  Both of us were confused as to what a 'Google-phone number' was, but I remembered I'd seen a 'call telephone' feature on Gmail (brought to you by Google) as a chat option, so I tried it out.  I was surprised how great the reception was, and that it was free.  So, I immediately started dialing random US phone numbers to share the news of the day.  What a blessing.

Today, I needed to share some news with the caretakers at Betty's Place that the couple from Minnesota would be coming for dinner, so a few extra spots would be needed at the table.  It turns out that 'a few' was a gross exaggeration, but that's besides the point!  Anyway, I pulled up Google Translate, typed out what I needed to explain and a few answers, and they understood exactly.  Google Translate came in handy a few minutes ago as well when the mirror fell off the wall in our bathroom and I had to explain to Maria Elena that I needed a screwdriver.  Seriously, who has the Spanish word for screwdriver handy in their mind?

Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog.  Today was a good day, despite having little sleep leading into it.  Francisco was only interested in being held upright all night long, so we ended up taking shifts with him.  Again, we are a team in parenting.  We're a little clunky at it, but the rules are starting to set in.  We rested most of the morning with Francisco, until his smiles started showing up again in the afternoon.  We took a walk around the town for a bit, enjoying the cool weather and the warm sun.  It was a great day.

As I had mentioned, we had invited the couple from Minnesota to come eat with us.  What we didn't realize is that their whole family was here as well! They have three other children in addition to their recent addition, so the house was full of children!  We've also had another family move into Betty's Place, so our quiet seven person meals had more than doubled in size for the night.  What a great evening.  We have made some great contacts for Angie to rely on when I leave at the end of May, which really is starting to set my mind at ease.

P.S.  Google. Google Google Google.

Day 2

Day two was not without it's ups and downs!  The day started with me frantically trying to find the satchel I keep our passports in.  I noticed right away that it wasn't in my pants-pocket where I was sure I'd left it.  After tearing apart our room and cursing myself, I let Angie in on the disaster.  In about 5 minutes she had found the secret hiding place I had stashed it so I wouldn't lose it. Which I did.  Just a reminder to myself that we are a team, and together we are raising this child.

We had our first outing!  The other family at Betty's Place invited us to a restaurant at the shopping center in town.  We had a lot of fun, but it was the first really sunny day in Bogota, and we had prepared the kiddo for a cold day.  Over prepared.  We needed to strip him down of a few layers when we got to the restaurant.   But Francisco was a trooper and didn't complain in the least.

Until later.  He got a bit clingy and has cried off and on, wanting to be held most of the day.  We are more than willing to oblige.  He had been on the verge of a breakdown when dad did the mean thing and tried to put some clothes on him.  Nuclear winter!

The worst was our first attempt at a bath, which he was not in the mood for.  He fought a lot during the 5 min we were in there, and ended up leaning forward and bopping his head on the side of the basin.  It took about a half an hour for him to calm down.

We're now tag-teaming him to get him to go down.  He'll fall asleep in our arms, but has no desire to lie down on the bed or the carrier.  I'm not sure if he's testing us, or worried about losing us, or if it's just something else.  But we're not leaving his side.

P.S.  I apologize for any spelling errors.  I somehow got the spanish version of blogger, and am too tired to figure it out!

Reflections on day 1

They say it takes a few weeks for parenthood to set in during adoption, but I don't buy it a second.  At least not in our case.  We are warned that often parents find that only after weeks of parenting do they feel that 'this is their child.'  It's very common during the attachment process for both sides to not feel completely attached for quite some time.  But I see Francisco's smile of recognition when I walk into the room.  He knows us both.  He is comfortable.  He squeals in delight when we tickle his sides or eat his toes.  Seriously, he tried for 10 minutes to show me his foot under his sock so I could kiss his digits.

Each of these moments between poppa and momma and baby make the transition to family easier.  They help seal the bond.  He is a willing contributor to the process.  He knows what we are trying to do, and helps out.

Te amo, mi hijo.

Gotcha!

After months of waiting, the big day is finally here!  We got up early in the morning, put on our Sunday-Best and headed down to breakfast.  Marelena, one of the many caretakers here got breakfast ready for us.  We were joined by our new friends from Virginia; John and Nancy, and their kids, Louis and Viktor.

Luz Clara, our representative here met us for breakfast to take us over to Los Pisingos.  She is amazing.  She had to tell us about a hundred times that whatever we want, she will meet that need.  She cares about all the kids and the families of Los Pisingos.  She is knowledgable about the whole process, and has only been in her job since January!

We met Carlos, the director of Los Pisingos and one of his assistants.  They told us through a little bit about Los Pisingos, while someone got Francisco ready.  And then we got to meet him.

He greeted us with huge smiles.  He is such a happy baby.  So much love already.

We hung out with him for a while until the doctor arrived.  She wanted to give us an update and some historical information on his medical file.  Everyone was really concerned about some mosquito bites - they don't realize he's headed to the mosquito capital of the world!

We fed him in front of the caregivers - he gobbled down most of his bottle in a few seconds.  Then we were off!

Luz Clara and Reinel brought us back to Betty's Place with our guy.  Luz Clara took me to the market to buy a few things, and then we were back to feed Francisco.  His morning meal - papayas! Seriously, I was a bit jealous.

The first feeding was messy! I held him and became a wash cloth.

We played a bit after food, and then he was down for the count.  That's all for now.

Bogota, day one

We arrived at our guesthouse late on Saturday evening after a day full of travel. Our taxi driver was Reinel, a very smiley and patient man.  Angie and I fumbled through a conversation with him, and he seemed to get most of it.

We met a nice couple at our guesthouse from Virginia.  They had adopted four children eleven years ago.  Since Betty, the owner of the hotel was not there, we were able to ask a few questions about the layout of the town and how to use the wi-fi before we crashed for the night.

This morning, we slowly made our way downstairs, not entirely rested. It is difficult to make up for weeks of not sleeping well in one fell swoop.  The couple and two of their sons greet us and we joined them for breakfast.  We had a wonderful meal of pineapple, bread, cheese, eggs and coffee.  I am now spoiled - I don't know if I'll be able to eat store-bought pineapple ever again.

After breakfast, Angie and I went for a short walk.  There seemed to be some sort of festival going on - some of the streets had been shut down, and thousands of people were riding bikes in them, or running/walking with their dogs.  The air is fresh and cool.  We are so close to the equator, but the temperature is comfortable. You can definitely tell we are at a higher elevation - we both started to get light-headed after about a half an hour. 

We stopped at the super-market on the way home to pick up a few essentials, and then headed back home.  As Angie drifted off to sleep, Luz Clara, our contact in Colombia stopped by to explain how tomorrow will work and to say, 'hello.'

Tomorrow, meaning the day we meet our son.  It's been a long time since we first heard of him - 2/23/11. And it seems even longer still since we accepted the referral -4/1/11.  But the long wait is coming to an end - Gotcha Day - 5/16/11

Adoption

Life is so amazing. It throws you many hoops, but when you choose to you remain undefeated...and can do anything. Charlie and I are becoming parents. A little boy awaits us in Colombia as many of you know. He is so beautiful and I already love him...