This Colombian Life

Well, it's been a quiet couple of days in Lago Woebegon.  Not a lot to report.  We continue to have a lot of fun getting to know our Colombian angel.  We bid adios to the family that had been living in Betty's Place with us - they flew back to Virginia this morning.  It's funny how quickly people can become such an integral part of your life.  However, we have been getting to know a new family from Texas.  They moved in a few days ago, and are in the process of adopting a 16 year-old.  She is really special, and loves Francisco.  Francisco seems to be taking a shining to her as well.

It's really neat to get to know people from all over the world and hear their adoption stories.  The key theme running through every story is this: not only are we adopting Francisco, but we are adopting Colombia as well.  Colombia will always be our son's first home, and consequently our home as well.  Even though we are late to the game, we are Colombian.

There's a little something I've wanted to get off of my chest, and it's taken me a few months to figure out how.  Not really sure if I still do, but here it goes:  I don't want people to feel like we are doing Francisco a favor.

A year or so ago, a co-worker mentioned how wonderful it is that we are choosing to adopt, giving a home to an orphan.  This same theme has been repeated by many people.  It's a great sentiment, and I appreciate the words.  But it is definitely not why we are adopting.

We heard this theme from adoption professionals prior to pursuing adoption as the means to form our family.  We were cautioned to take it too seriously.  A child who hears what a great thing it was that their parents adopted them feels like they always have something to owe to their parents.  They feel like the can never repay them, and can never live up to their adoption.  They may feel that if they aren't perfect, their parents may send them back to their birth country, away from those they love.  Or they may resent their parents for acting like saviors by taking them away from their original home.

Francisco could have been adopted by anyone. He's a healthy, fun little guy, and would have been a wonderful addition to any home.  We are the lucky ones.  We are the ones who've been blessed by his presence in our lives.

Additionally, Colombia isn't that bad.  It has its problems with crime and government, but what country doesn't?  The people here are wonderful.  Very loving and caring.

We aren't taking him out of Colombia when we leave.  Rather, we are bringing part of Colombia to the US.  We will raise and provide for his security when he is young, but he - like any other child - is not our property.  He will get to decide when he is older how he wants to be involved with both his birth country and his adoptive country.  Indeed, he will continue to have citizenship in Colombia.  Our job will be to give him enough access to both cultures so he can find his place in this world. It won't be an easy job for him, but we will be there helping hold his hand if he stumbles along the way.

So if you tell me it is a wonderful that I've done for him, I may not correct you.  I will thank you, and tell you we believe he has done more for us than we for him.  He helped complete our family.  But know that adoption is not a one-time event; this will be a defining moment in Francisco's life, and every situation that he faces will be seen through the adoption lens.  Like I said, it won't be easy for him to discover who he is, but we hope to offer him enough opportunity to do so, through books, food, culture camps, and eventually, return trips to Colombia.